In the words of George W. Bush: "Freedom" "freedom" "Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, FREEEDOM!" or in the words of Martin Luther King Jr. (a much better man than Bush) "Free at last, free at last! Thank god almighty! We are free at last!"
I'm done with my junior year of college...if you couldn't tell!
posted by RPF @ 9:17 PM
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Reasons why my life sucks right now:
-I'm on my 4th straight day of studying for
exams and feel like i've gotten nowhere
-I'm completely broke for the first time in
my life and I realize that it's only beginning
-I'm not going to be graduating within 4
years like most normal collegiates and the
one semester extension is going to make
living arrangements difficult and pricey
-My romantic life suffers unrelentlessly
from bad timing and is once again in a bleak
and dreary stagnation
-Due to my financial woes, I have to live in
Jacksonville for 6 weeks and work as a
plumber's helper, suffering through forty
hours or more a week of ignorant, chauv-
inistic, redneck conversations as I dig in
the abominable heat of north florida
(this is also slightly responsible for my
previous complaint)
-I'm worried about my future as a grad
student and later on, phD and professor
of some interdisciplinary subject which
involves sexuality, politics, and sociology
because I've only recently known that
this is what I want to do and I haven't
had time to connect with professors
who can help me generously in working
towards that goal (mainly my thesis)
-I think I might possibly be ADD because
I was studying like an amazing machine
and enjoying it while I took some adderall
but now that I have run out, I'm back to
my old ways of finding it really hard to
concentrate on stuff for too long
-I wanna cry
-I'm balding...I think...and by looking at
my parents, I'd have to say the future
doesn't look so good for my once held
attractiveness and sexiness
-I live in a society that hates my love,
degrades my morality, ignores my
intellect and sincerity, and oppresses
my being and living
I'm just in an extremely blah mood right now
There are some exciting things to look forward
to though like going to Prague for summer B
and...well I can't think of any right now because
I'm in a bad mood and everything seems grim
rather than good.
posted by RPF @ 4:24 PM
1 comments
You would think that by the time my sixth semester of college rolled around, I would be used to finals week and not leave everything to the last minute. However, you would think wrong! I have so much work to do that I should have been working on it since thursday but I haven't. I let thursday slip away due to lack of motivation and partying hard the night before (afterall it was 4/20) and friday was consumed by work, meetings for prague, and hanging out with friends. Finally, yesterday was the beginning of my torture and to help out I decided to try adderall. Boy did it help! I wish i could be that focused naturally because if I was, I would be working on my senior thesis right now and graduating soon with a 4.0 and a very promising future in academia ahead of me. I spent most of my day yesterday working on my paper for my take home final exam in my women's studies course. It is only five pages long but I re-wrote most of it like 3 times because adderall also tends to bring out my perfectionist side which has sort of been hidden lately. I'm lazy, what can I say, and I happen to be getting A's in very challenging courses without being a perfectionist so I don't bother. This is sad for me to say however because I take great pride in my work(most times). How many people in college, do you know, that will openly admit that they love writing papers and perfecting them when time permits? So, with the enjoyable experience of writing my paper now in the past, I must look forward and realize the hell that is going to become my life for the next 5 days. Today is going to be a huge reading day and hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to write practice answers to my political theory essay questions. Then tomorrow I shall dedicate more time to political theory and go through the notes for my lone multiple choice exam. Then tuesday and wednesday after my exams I need to prepare for my thursday exams.
shit, I just realized that this update is turning out to be longer than I wanted it to be and it was starting to get really boring as well. ummm....other things to know: finals finished thursday, trip to keys with gary(nicole dropped out because of work) friday thru next wednesday, working at express until I find a better job when i get back and probably hanging out with john more than a bit before I go off to Prague (he's a really cool guy, I think) let's see, what else is important...okay, cant think of anything which is my key to get back to studying. Later.
posted by RPF @ 10:58 AM
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By the way, that last post was a bit too harsh. I was just extremely frustrated Shrezzie and you are a great person. That being said, let me get on to my update.
I'm sick! and it sucks because I have a ton of shit to do, including going to work to make money. However, I can't go to work today because I'm still running a fever and won't survive five hours on my feet under those hot fucking lights. My other work is much worse because it requires concentration and a clear head which I can't do right now. (Forgive me in advance, this post shall be quite boring because I can't think clearly enough to be profound). All I managed to do yesterday was lay around nursing my aching body, watch Falling Down-a movie that I have to write a paper for as my take home exam, and I revised one of like 8 or 9 poems that need to be revised by wednesday night in order to get an A in my poetry class. I then watched Kill Bill vol.2 with Nicole(she's sick too...I think we gave it to each other tuesday night) and then we both went to bed early and early for me is 1am. I fell asleep rather quickly and was rudely awakened by some drunk jackass(j/k)around 5am. I truly didn't mind the call but I'm afraid it wasn't a very coherent call because I was groggy from illness and sleep and he was drunk. Oh well. I then fell back asleep around 6am and woke up at 10am so that I can lay here and blog and whatnot...I'm going to attempt revisions and even some studying for my essay exam on tuesday.
Let's see...what else is going on in my life? Hrm...I've decided to go back to my pasta and salad diet from senior yr in highschool. I don't eat just pasta and salad, but mostly. And when I eat something else I have to be careful only to have small portions. I'm not doing this because I'm fat or anything, I'm doing it because I've been eating completely wrong through all of college and it fucks with my system(if you know what I mean). There just seems to be tooo many fucking mexican joints around this town. I also need to get back into an exercise routine so that my heart doesn't stop when I turn 30. OH god, I hate this post...it's so fucking bland and I hate being bland. I promise to write something better when I'm not sick...that is, if I have time during finals week. So long.
posted by RPF @ 11:22 AM
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Boyfriends should be considerate. Boyfriends should be able to realize when each other is distraught and needs particular attention; they should make certain sacrifices in order to be there for each other when circumstances call for it. Boyfriends should be willing to give up an hour of fucking sleep to console their frustrated partner. Boyfriends should make themselves useful and worthy to be kept around, after all, no boy is THAT good that someone would stay with them if all they got in return was a poor fucking excuse. FUCK YOU, and you know who you are!
On a side note, seeing as that relationship is likely headed nowhere...are any of you boys who read this blog good enough to be a boyfriend? A good boyfriend? Someone I can rely on and in turn could rely on me? If so, I'm open to getting to know you but I'm not looking to start any relationships because I'm going to Europe in two months for six weeks.
posted by RPF @ 12:07 PM
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So my life is stagnating right now. I'm trapped within a circumambient load of shit. That load of shit would be the numerous papers that all seemed to be due within 3 weeks of each other (I'm in the 2nd week now) and the upcoming final exams and portfolios. Adding to that heap is the ever-demanding tax reports that I have to fill out in order to make Uncle Sam happy; he will be unhappy when he sees that he owes me money. Not only that but I'm also lost in space when it comes to studying in Prague this summer because the last time I checked, we needed like one or two more people to sign up in order for the university to support the trip. I won't find out for sure until tax day. If I am going, it will be time for me to stroll on over to the local third world exploiter and see if I can't exploit them for a full-time job that pays me more than 7 bucks an hour.
As for other things going on in life right now: my dog is smelly, my boyfriend is always busy, my roomates are lazy and bitchy, my parents are trying to hypnotize me in the hopes of setting straight my sexuality, I haven't boozed in forever, I'm broke(nothing new), I didn't last long at the gym routine because studying got in the way, I don't know what I want to do in life, I may not be intelligent and/or motivated enough to get my ph.D, I did manage to get my ass in gear and declare a minor, it's TAPS, that stands for Theories and Policies of Sexuality which will suit my academic career purposes perfectly seeing as I want to go into minority politics and write my dissertation on the politics of sexuality here in America, my tan is getting better due to the beautiful spring weather here in gville, dreading the summer because it sucks in gville, I smoked a lot of pot yesterday because I needed the break from stressing over schoolwork, my room is a mess, my closet never seems to have enough clothes to suit me(even though it's bulging trying to accomodate everything in it), I'm too sexual, people don't understand me, I don't understand me, I love writing, but not under the pressure of making an A or not for the semester, I registered for classes in fall--got most everything i wanted, I'm realizing how much I love to enumerate things while I write, I started watching cable news more often again, I realized all over again while I stopped watching it in the first place, I had two nights in a row where I went off on political tirades with my friends, I decided that I want to meet a beautiful Czech guy, learn his language, fall desperately in love, like in classical Shakespearian ways, elope with him, move to Prague permanently leaving behind this ever-dissappointing country, I tried to reassure people that I am not as anti-american as my profound political beliefs would make less read people think. And I have come to the realization that everything in my life turns into politics and that this is not a problem because I understand the importance that politics plays in my life. For all of you who I annoy with my political side-trips, I am sorry, it is for the best though and you will thank me for it one day. How is that for some cockiness?
ungh, I'm just so blah right now
posted by RPF @ 6:23 PM
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YAY!! I'm going to Prague. Studying abroad summer B. That is, if I get in to the program...I have to apply first but I'm fairly certain I will get accepted. That is all for now!
posted by RPF @ 5:23 PM
1 comments
Wreckless, out-of-control on the inside but still the image of control and happiness on the outside. I once was in love with an amazing person...I did something which started a chain reaction that then later left me broken and hopeless, wondering if the world is really this cruel...I had pure happiness in my arms and one immature, confused decision slowly tore him from my embrace. I'm left picking up the pieces and wandering the world looking for other pieces of my soul. Currently I am teaching other people in this world to better themselves and seek within them the power to do whatever they want, without limiting themselves because of the judgment of others. In other words, I'm as happy as can be, but I'm still incomplete and I believe this incompleteness will cause me to forever float with the wind until I find my anchor once again.
