Consummated Randomness

Life is not a Drama DVD

So I think I have created a monster! Tonight and the past few nights that I have brought it up...Gary and I have done a lot more talking...and it looks like the hope I may have been holding on to has dissipated like the afternoon thunderstorms around here. That is good and bad at the same time...the bad obviously being that Gary and I are apparently over for good now, with the rare exception that fate actually does determine love and that he and I are destined to be lovers forever; and the good is that no matter how much it hurts...I now have gotten some straight answers and I have the opportunity to look forward in my life and let go of him. It turns out that the boy was head over heels in love with me the semester we first met...but I had all this free time and he was busy with school and I got frustrated and thought he wasn't that into me, or more to the point, I wasn't satisfied and was looking for more! Well, since he isn't good at communicating how he feels...he never told me he was in love with me, and even though i know I saw it, I put the blinders on and went full ahead into breaking up with him and then smoking with a certain someone and sharing my bed with them. That is apparently what led to the end of our relationship...because Gary really never quite got over that. And then throughout the rest of that fucked up summer, other things happened that I could never really quite get over...and so here we are...seperated, sad, looking to the future, and not quite being able to forget about the great times we had together. Le sigh...so love in real life never actually happens like love in the movies...there rarely are second chances...and even if there are...they are doomed to fail because we as humans never seem to be able to let go of the past. :(

posted by RPF @ 10:34 PM