Androgyny
I feel like blogging right now.
This does not mean I am bored,
I just feel the need to write some things down.
So one good thing has finally come from working at Express and that is the introduction to a song that blows my pants off! (geez am I really that nerdy that I'm reverting to phrases like "blows my pants off" ? oh well) So yeah the song is some mix of Androgyny by Garbage. I guess first off I have to reiterate my obsession or, at least, appreciation of androgyny. (is it reiterating? I can't remember if it's come up in my blogs before, but yeah) Fuck masculinity and fuck femininity, what we need is a breakdown of gender roles and have one androgynous idenitity. This doesn't mean that girls and boys need to look alike...that will never happen due to nature...but there needs to be a harmony between the "best" masculine traits and "best" feminine traits. Best is in quotation marks because I understand the natural disagreement over what is best that will happen. If I had more time and I could make some money out of it, I would write a book detailing this harmony in full and in just what ways I think this society would benefit from this harmony and how we can achieve it. But as it stands now...just know that I love androgyny and if you are interested, I encourage you to go out and do independent research and learning and hopefully come to appreciate it just as much as I do.
So now that I just rambled for a few minutes without really realizing it (which is totally a good thing for me, but maybe not for you readers out there who have to endure my ramblings) I will get on with the rest of my blog. (I don't know if my reader base likes to read about the trivial, over-dramatized, personal spewings about what goes on in my everyday life, or if they like to read the random shit I put on here, or whatever...I don't know because no comments are ever left on my posts to tell me what people think about what I'm writing. So I guess until people are either thrilled enough or annoyed enough from my posts to leave me comments on them, I will just write whatever I feel like writing at that moment.) Okay, here goes: yesterday was not a good day, after waking my ass up at like ten in the morning I proceeded to do schoolwork all day and only taking the occasional break to chit-chat with my better half, nicole (not married, just roomies). I also took the opportunity to read by the pool so that I could bring my body up to par on the level of sexiness I exude through my personality and gait. I'm getting close to the appropriate level now. The sun did an extremely well job(? or good? grammar is a bitch sometimes) of tanning me in only three hours because (and I'm sad to say this) the bitchin heat of Florida has returned. After all that I had to rush through my pre-poetry class rituals so that I could get to class on time only to be extremely bored by it and suffer through the ignorance and unworthiness (lmfao) of my other classmates. Then when I get home I was too tired to go to the gym and my boyfriend tells me that he doesn't want to come sleep with me because he wants to get in a half-hour more of studying. So, being upset at having a very miserable day I just spent the rest of my night sulking and chatting to whoever would listen to me on AIM and then I finally passed out around 2:30am.
Today was not much better...just a whole bunch of mundaneness going on right now due to end of semester crammings.
I'll write again soon~
"Is that marijuana I smell?"
Cheerful Robots? Count me OUT
What a fuckup lazy ass piece of shit I am. I can't seem to take the time to do anything with even a remote resemblance to my schoolwork. Here I am, setup to finally get straight A's this semester and hard-earned ones at that too...but I'm blowing it by not taking the time to do my work! um, let's see...30 pages worth of papers to do within two weeks wouldn't be so bad...IF I had done the reading beforehand...so I'm basically screwed--and did I mention I'm broke too? so I'm basically eating pasta and butter for the next few weeks (who am I kidding..I'll be broke until late August when my mother decides to give me some more money to help out with school). Ah, isn't college GRAND? Any of you older people, or "cheerful" robots as my professor would call you whitecollar werkin folks that sit in cubicles all day, if you happen to come across this and my life sounds interesting to you then tell your boss to fuck-off and join me in the Colorado rockies for a life of hashish smokin and rigorous, yet satisfying hiking! As you can tell, I'm in no hurry to join your cubicle way of robotic life...even if college can be a bit frustrating at times, it sure beats the mundaneness of our post-modern, consumer driven, capitalist and meaningless jobs that our society has to offer!
A ghastly, HORRIBLE, yet humorous mistake
Just now, sitting in Smathers Library, I tried to access my blog for some bored reading material (seeing as the Political Science office is closed and I couldn't get some much needed advising) and accidentally typed the incorrect URL.
What I typed was this:
http://stevenfloodonline.blogpsot.com
all I did was casually mix up the p and the s and it sent me to a page of otherworldy propaganda.
Who in their right mind would think to name their Bible loving website stevenfloodonline??
I'm thoroughly amused for the day...now I must be getting back to my reading...(sigh)
The Semi-Closet
Ah, what a lovely, rainy Sunday night(late-night that is). My weekend is over and quite frankly I am sad to see it go. Aside from having to work a few shifts at Express @ Gainesville's most prestigious mall, The Oaks, I got to spend a good amount of relaxed time with Shrezzie. Mostly, because of the weather, we just laid around and talked and snuggled and watched movies in between trips to various fine dining establishments such as La Fiesta(a whole pitcher of margaritas for 12 bucks) and Sonic(30 min wait due to lost order = free meal) and Olive Garden(cheap ass soup and salad and breadsticks lunch). The only downside to having such a relaxing and lazy weekend is the fact that I didn't do any schoolwork which means that I'm going to be pressed for time during the coming up weeks and especially next weekend. I just love it when I have about 20 pages of papers to turn in during the same week, not to mention having a test in a class that I never pay attention in. Oh well, I'd still rather be here in school and studying than out in the "real world" having to perform some mundane tasks for some exploitative company.
Well, it is getting late and I have to work at Express again tomorrow(fuck those fucking fuckers) as well as finish up my complicated poem and get a lot of this theory reading done and go to the gym because I'm trying to get back in the habit. Besides, I must go to the gym to work out this soreness I now have from yesterday when I did my first chest workout since like a year ago.
I will try to not be so boring and diary like in my next post.
Oh and by the way...I'm dating a semi-closet...whodathunk
Words spread in random pattern on page........or are they?
I long for the day when my nights spent sleeping alone will be few.
Why does my future seem so bleak?
I have at least six more years of school and then what---
my career, my man will they harmonize
a life of domestic happiness perfectly blended with professional happiness
satisfaction
will it ever come to be in the life of ME?
My head is on fire
OY! I have the worst headache today, which is really strange because I never get headaches unless I drink a lot of wine and I didn't drink any wine. Mostly I am just writing right now to kill some time and to alleviate some of my boredom. *Note that I'm only bored because I find it hard to read with this splitting headache, therefore I can't make any progress on the enormous load of schoolwork I now have ahead of me. Remember those three or so weeks back in february? They are upon me again: in the next two weeks I have three papers due and I just turned a different one in today. That was before I decided my headache was too unbearable to attend class for the rest of the day. I only missed one class and it was the one class I didn't have on thursday, so between thursday and today I missed all of my classes once, except poetry. Speaking of poetry, we had to write a sestina for tomorrow's class...GASP...it was not easy and this fact was only reinforced by the numbers of poorly written ones littering my email inbox. Other than these few things, there's really not much to report on lately, I'm just sort of going through the routine now, and will be until the end of the semester because there are a lot of responsiblities I have in this next month or so. Plus, I need to be saving money anyways...been spending too much and I won't be able to spoil myself on clothes or such in the fall when I usually go on my annual shopping spree.
Sometimes my mind is a liability, rather than an asset
Umm, where do I start? I have a lot of things on my mind and a lot has happened in the past 48 hours or so. I guess I will write about my St. Patty's Day experience first. As we all know, yesterday was St. Patrick's Day which means college kids and Irish people were out in full force nursing their alcoholic needs. I was one of them. I started off the day by skipping every single one of my classes (and for the first time I actually feel a little guilty for it) and sleeping in. Once I woke up and Gary got out of class, I went to lunch with him and then went to Old Navy to get a shirt for the occasion (I actuall got two and they were free, for reasons I'll discuss later) and Albertson's to buy some booze (I'm finally 21 and the fuckers didn't even card me, this has happened three times to me in the week and a half I've actually been old enough...they seemed to ask all the time before.) After all that was done I had to part ways with Gary so he could do some homework and I could finish packing and getting ready for the roadtrip to Savannah. Savannah was a fucking blast! Expensive, crowded, chaotic, and freezing. We spent a few hours buying drinks, taking pictures with weird, strange people, talking to those strange people, dancing in our drunkeness, and basically just having a good time. That's about all I can say about Savannah because if you ask me about specifics I may not know them....let's just say that everyone woke up hungover.
As for the free Old Navy stuff...I've kept this a secret for a while and actually for a while now it has been a moot factor in my life: I'm a klepto. There I said it, now I must go painfully pluck my nose hairs as punishment for my sins. But seriously, my ex was a klepto and he got me into it against my better judgement. I only take from the big, evil corporations such as Wal-Mart and Old Navy and sometimes Target, but mostly Wal-Mart, and never ever from small business places or family-run places (this is my twisted way of rationalizing my criminal and unethical behavior). I actually haven't taken many things since pretty much when I broke up with my ex, but every once in a while I just have this urge to go and take stuff...klepto binges if you will...and that's what happened yesterday. I'm really trying to stop it entirely, especially since I only take things that I could easily afford anyways. I'm a bad bad bad boy.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately is my love life, or lack thereof. I do have a boyfriend. Matterafact he is a really cute, sweet boyfriend and we have been dating for about a month now (not really sure what day we started dating but I am sure that we met on February 8th). I said lack thereof earlier because I think love is absent. That is, I don't think either of us are falling in love yet. There are many reasons why this is a little alarming to me and also many reasons why I am probably just being my crazy, usual self when it comes to relationships and love. You see, even though I had a serious 2 year relationship that I learned much from, I think I still don't know enough about relationships to evaluate any particular one. How long is it supposed to take before you start falling in love? does it depend on the person who you would be falling in love with, like their personality and characteristics? how exactly are you supposed to know when it happens? is it like a big bang? does it have to be? or can you slowly start to realize your love for someone? I guess my point is...there have been times in the past where I thought I was in love at first sight and the relationships that come about because of this have never survived long at all, and the one relationship where it took me a while to realize I was in love lasted for two years, albeit they were a pretty fucked up two years...so I guess I'm just scared about where things are going, if they are going anywhere at all. I think they are and I hope they are because he's the sweetest little thing and I love that about him. I'm just afraid that I haven't been as good as I should be to him because I'm frustrated with myself and this ever-present neurosis about love and relationships that I have and I tend to take out my frustration on those who are part of the source of it and who are close to me. Gary fits both. So I'm afraid he's getting double-fucked (pardon the entendre here). I don't even know why I wrote all this on here because I haven't really even had the chance to talk to him about some of this that I'm feeling, but I'm going to soon I hope.
I would end this there but I must inform you all of the awesome opportunity that has been presented to me. It seems that a few of the more serious amateur poets in my class want to start a poetry group outside of class where we can invite our poet friends and sit around and workshop each other's poems to become better writer's ourselves in the hopes of getting published. Totally cool idea and I think that it would help a lot, I just hope that we can find a way to get it going and turn this idea into a reality that exists for more than like 3 weeks.
Okay, I'm done...I must shower now and hopefully I can see my boy.
Look at my Virility (continued...)
There seems to be some problems with the paste of the quiz results in the last post (it's supposed to show my full name as Steven Flood, my age as 21, and my sexuality as gay but it appears the html is fucking up) Anyways, I've pasted the results below and a link in case the other post doesn't work.
According to this quiz at the following link, these are my supposed answers to the "what is your best sexual skill" quiz:
Link: http://www.kwiz.biz/showquiz.php?quizid=2123
Flirting Skill Level - 92%
Kissing Skill Level - 75%
Cudding Skill Level - 96%
Sex Skill Level - 45%
Why They Love You: You can do amazing things with your tongue.
Why They Hate You: You are too sexy.
Hmm...didn't know my sex was lacking...oh fuck!
Well at least I'm still sexy and is there anyone out there with a legitimate claim that can say I CAN'T do amazing things with my tongue? I don't think so. There's a reason I was created with a five inch tongue!
The Blog that Got Away
So earlier tonight I had written the totally most awesomest blog ever written about anti-corporatism but due to some fucking stupid internet glich I lost it all, all of it gone. It frustrated me so much to lose such a great piece of work that I neglected to concentrate on my school work for the rest of the night and instead bitched about it with my boyfriend, the Shrezzie, for about 15 minutes (thats all the time he could spare...he's got a big test tomorrow) and then proceeded to waste countless minutes, hours who knows, just browsing the cyberspace that my totally awesome blog is lost in right now. It never ceases to amaze me: the fact that I can find all kinds of stupid bullshit on the internet that intrigues the hell out of me (if only for five minutes).
Does it really kill your brain cells?
Well my birthday came! and my birthday went! I'd like to sit here and tell you how I finished off the whole bottle of tequila and ate the worm and hallucinated and was so insanely drunk that I threw up and then had more drinks but I can not tell a lie. What actually happened was that I went to Chili's and have three margaritas that were strong as fuck and then came back here and opened up the 21 year old bottle of tequila--let's just say tequila doesn't age quite like wine. Many people commented on it smelling like old library books...I wouldn't know because I couldn't smell, but I did make a margarita with it and it tasted fine, mind you this was after I had numerous drinks and upside down margaritas. As for the vomiting...there was none. Around 1230 or so people started dropping like flies and heading home, then Nicole and I had a very long conversation while smoking on the back porch and then around 130 I finally snuggled up in bed with my Shrezzie which no doubt was the perfect ending to my 21st b-day. My birthday celebrations did not really end that night--in fact I have altered my state of mind with alcohol and other stuff every day and/or night since then. And last night I did the unthinkable and went to Cluck-U, of all straight bars, dressed in my bright ass pink and blue and got pretty darned drunk alongside Nicole. Nicole, however, got more drunk then she had wanted to and ended up making love to a toilet bowl later in the night. Fun Stuff.
Today Nicole and I woke up still a bit intoxicated and cleaned the kitchen (it was a complete fucking mess and we left food out all night, GROSS) then she went to play soccer with a hang-over and I started dinner and then went to lay out by the pool while I did some catch-up reading for school. Which brings me back to here, where I sit writing this, a little upset, because I'm cooking a really elaborate southern meal for my roomies and my southern boy but I just learned that he won't be returning from N'awlins till about 9 or 930 tonight which will be too late for the rest of us to wait for dinner. So it will just be the roomies and Lil for dinner and Shrezzie for dessert. LOL..yum yum. I can handle that. I just want to see him because, except for our minute and 37 second conversation about ten minutes ago, I haven't seen nor talked to him since Wednesday night.
Anyways, I better go tend to the brisket and get the other stuff ready to cook. I'll update again soon, but in the meantime I've got a lot of shit to do before Thursday, when hopefully I'll be going to Savannah, GA for a debauchery filled night on St. Patty's day. And unlike most people who do it, I will actually be saying "kiss me, I'm Irish" with sincerity because I am part Irish for real.
Oh PS for those of you who read about the pains I endured during the middle of February writing that huge paper for my political theory class...it paid off, I got an A on it. YAY. And also all those mid-terms I was studying for...top of class scores in all of them. I'm so super when I apply myself...Just need motivation. So in American Idol fashion... GQ outttttttttttttttttttt.
Happy Birthday to ME
The time has come ladies and gentlemen...I am now LEGAL! That's right, today is my 21st birthday and I plan on running around (possibly...probably naked) drunk of my ass, as belligerent as I can be because hey, it's my fucking birthday and I can get away with it. (you know, I'll cry if I want to, yada yada yada) For those of you whom have had the pleasure (maybe you don't see it as so) of hanging out with me while drunk off my ass, you might be able to imagine the boisterousness that will define my behavior tonight. As I type this I am already having a cocktail, then a little later I will drink some margaritas before heading off to On the Border for 2fer happy hour and some mexicana dinero. Then I will return here to drink the (approx) 21 year old bottle of tequila from my parents trip to mexico when my mother was pregnant with me and then proceed to eat the worm from the bottom of the bottle! THEY SAY THE WORM MAKES YOU HALLUCINATE! oh boy, I sure hope so! On that note, I leave you and will be back soon someday to write about the night I almost remember. YAY!
Not yet a week!
Dear Consummated Randomness readers,
I am trying ever so diligently to write more often on my blog. See...this time it has only been five days since my last post. Most of that time was spent in Jacksonville witnessing (even if only subconsciously) the schism of my family. I am afraid that my father is building walls and fortifying his estrangement from his children...all because we happen to find happiness in members of the same sex. Anyways, I do not care to dwell on this at the time because it is seriously a subject that really grates my soul.
So onto a more humorous event which occured while I was in Jax--the annual Library charity book sale. OH WOW, WHAT A BLAST! First off I should describe the smells...mmmm moth balls, moth balls everywhere...lingering in the books, in the warehouse that housed the sale, and in the patrons of the sale, you know, the wrinkly, white-haired type. (I should not jest about the elderly- I might become one some day.) I think there was also a faint urine smell, but that could be due to the fact that the warehouse is also the home of the annual "let's bring our cows to the fair" exhibit. I can not tell you how many books they had shoved into boxes on folding tables, but I can tell you that they had most of the warehouse lined with the rows of non-fiction, fiction, audio, etc. and that there were probably about 400 people rummaging through the cardboard treasure chests and standing in line waiting to exchange money for their new-found treasures. I myself had to come off of a 20 dollar bill because I found ten extraordinary artifacts. Well, maybe more like 8 extraordinary ones and an Al Franken book and a Patriotic Cookbook! Bear with me while I give a short description of the awesomeness I came to own on that lovely Friday, March morning. Foremost coolest would have to be a textbook published in 1976 titled "The Meaning of Communism" with a black cover containing a red sickle and hammer. It is just ripe with anti-commie propaganda. My mother was not so amused by this finding and even less amused by my amusement of it. She scolded me for what she perceived as an ignorant understanding or lack of any understanding of the times where "they taught us children in school to duck for cover in hopes of saving our lives from Russian bombs." After that I just silently rejoiced over my discovery. As for the other extraordinary finds, they were all non-fiction and either political, sociological, or psychological reads. Some gender study stuff and masculinity crisis stuff and teenage sexual angst stuff and gay rights stuff and female president type political stuff. (Wow, the level of diction in that last sentence is far below most of my regular writing...probably because I'm tired and I'm just rambling on now)
After that trip I just came back to Gville and unpacked and then spent the afternoon with my Shrezzie. I think he was a bit happy to see me...and I, him. As for the rest of the weekend: I spent it wasting away and getting wasted and not doing any school work whatsoever except for that poem I wrote for class that is highly political and not very good as far as poetry goes, but oh well. I also tried to make life with Danny (my chihuahua) a little more bearable by buying him another, different brand of dog food. Hopefully this bag will do the trick, he already likes it more than the last kind and his scratching has seemed to subside a little. Hopefully I've finally found the food that does not irritate his skin.
Okay well I'm just rambling now and I have to get to bed because I have to return to the real world of college-life tomorrow and by that I mean showing up for work at my stupid, meaningless part-time job that doesn't pay worth shit because this is a college town and they can get away with paying us low-ass wages. (My sister, at her first job--Target--is making more fucking money per hour than me!)
GOODNIGHT
Quick Note
Quick thing to add: HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE (year 6) comes out JULY 16, 2005. FUCK YES!!!!!! Sadly it is soooooooo far off, but it will get here just in time for me to take it with me on my vacation to the Dry Tortugas which are those cool islands referenced in that hot Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp movie Pirates of the Caribbean. If you have yet to read any of the Harry Potter series, I strongly suggest that you do so now. If you start now, even on a busy schedule that leaves little time for reading, you should be able to finish all five currently released books by the time that year 6 comes out. I'm so crazy in fact, that I'm going to read all of them through again before it comes out. Well, no maybe not...I don't think I have the time with all my other school reading and the stack of books that I haven't already read but want to. I'm so stoked though that it's coming out. And for those of you that know me personally...how often do I say "stoked"? NEVER! Which means I'm so super ecstatic about it. Okay, I'm not even making sense now. GO AND PRE-ORDER IT.
9 days = lots of stuff to say
Well this is amusing...I keep promising to write more often and as it turns out I just wait longer and longer before I update my blog. I'm going to partake in normal American behavior and blame something or someone else for this shortcoming of mine. In this case it will be both something and someone whom I blame for this abominable action. (If you can not tell that I'm sardonically exaggerating perhaps you need a more expansive education before you try and read about the inner workings of my complex mind.) (Again, I'm getting lost in my sarcastic rhetoric.) Anyways, one of the biggest reasons it has been so long since I blogged is the enormous load of schoolwork I had over the past three weeks. I kid you not when I say it was the most stressed out I've ever been with regards to my education. Alas, I got through the hell...I got my papers done and I took my exams. I already got one exam back(the one I ended up not studying for) and it turns out that I was one point away from a perfect score which shocked the hell out of me, and it wasn't an easy exam by any means. In fact, a lot of the other students were ardently complaining about it. Then as far as my other two big exams go, I haven't seen my grades yet but I believe I did really well on them...perhaps even a perfect score on my essay exam. Who knows! Point is...I'm happy it is over and I'm comfortable with my performance.
The other big reason I haven't blogged in a while is because I've been spending all my free time with the Shrezinator. He's this guy I met like almost a month ago. We hit it off pretty well and started dating. He's got this unexplainable cuteness about him...I don't know quite where it comes from. But anyways, we've been watching movies and going out to eat(a lot, more than my wallet should be able to afford) and just hanging out. Of course, he's spent the night quite a few times and, in fact, we've spent the entire first part of spring break together. Friday we went to Jville to hang out with my sister and her significant other. We all got drunk and went to Metro (the fag club) to see my friend Jade Fox, an up and coming drag queen who mischeviously goes to straight clubs and makes out with straight guys without the fuckers even knowing that she is a he. The thought of it is hilarious...seeing her in action is even more hilarious. After the club we just kind of chilled and I showed him around crappy Jville some. We also went bowling (and the little shit beat me twice) and to the mall where GASP! I bought two shirts from Old Navy. Do not be alarmed though for they do not say Old Navy on them and I only paid 5 bucks for each one.
So, I sincerely kneel down, clasping my hands in front of my chest and look up at you with puppy dog eyes asking for forgiveness and apologizing for waiting so long before regaling you in the most fabulous intricacies of my elaborate, college-student life. I wish I could promise to you that it won't be so long before I write again, but I don't want to make promises that I may not be able to keep. For you see, as with my journals, blogs, poetry (and I know I'm not the only one) it seems that I write more frequently when I am upset about something. The excuse I hear from many other people like me is that this is a place to vent; alas, I do not wish it to be so. I want to write as often as possible to keep tuning my creative ability and to free my mind. Regardless of how I am feeling at any particular time-slice, it is still healthy to write down something...be that how I am particularly feeling at that moment, or just recapping what has been going on in my life. The more I write, the better I feel...and the more often I write and the longer I write about a certain subject, no matter how mundane it is, the more creative I get and the more ideas I harvest for my poetry and intelligent discourse.
Enough of the tooting of my horn...as far as my immediate future goes, I have no idea what I'm doing. Only thing that is certain is that on thursday afternoon I will be getting a pedicure with my mother (how GAY, lol). As for the rest of my spring break...I will probably do some reading, be lazy, get intoxicated and whatnot and just enjoy the fact that I don't really have to do anything in the immediate future (except all that school reading I didn't do while I was writing papers and studying...[sad face]). oh, the joys of college life...
