Consummated Randomness

Infidelity...a stealthy plague

So yeah...things with Shrezzie got bad this weekend and now I feel like a wreck and I do not know how to deal with this. He sort of cheated on me but it's not really cheating because we decided to take a break...but I was just really surprised because I thought we had more than we apparently do. Whats worst is that it wasn't just horniness...it was with a guy that he thinks he likes...and it leaves me in pain, much pain. I think I'd rather him just leave me completely instead of stringing me on while he plays out his other possibilities.

I now understand somewhat the way that people just seem completely wrecked when their loved one has cheated on them. There is nothing worse than constantly questioning yourself and questioning the truthfulness and faithfulness of someone you love. Always wondering what lies they may be feeding you, or what truths they are just failing to mention...it sucks. Now everytime he tells me he's going out with a friend, there is always going to be this little part of me that worries. A part which worries about who the friend is, or if he told me the correct friend. I hate to be like that because I feel horrible myself when I have to question my loved ones...I feel like the monster for not believing them. It is a horrible way to live. I hope that one day soon I will be able to forget all of this and I believe that I will...it will either end with the end of us, or it will end with our getting back together when I get back from Prague.

And Prague...so much to do, I'm worried sick over getting it all taken care of before I go. I've apparently lost track of my ol boy scout motto because so far I am definitely not prepared...

p.s. dear you...I don't mean this to sound so harsh...it's just something I needed to say and get off my chest...pure and raw emotion. as time passes things will get better and hopefully, come august, we can make things right

posted by RPF @ 7:19 PM