Consummated Randomness

Travelling thoughts

So, while driving back from gainesville after the best three hours of my entirely not so good weekend, I began thinking...I have let my life turn into a 40 year old lesbians life of boredom and nonspontaneity...always opting for the quiet nights stuck in my apartment with Shrezzie (which werent bad at all, but I need spontaneity and randomness everyonce in awhile). I was thinking mostly of how bad I really wanna go to the club and dance it up and be sexy...I haven't danced in soooo long and I miss it really bad. Europe is supposed to have really cool clubs with really cutting edge dance music, so hopefully I'll get my share of it while over there. But when I get back from Prague, regardless of what is going on with Shrezzie, I hope that I can balance work, school, and my own desires and succeed at all of them. One thing I think that I have been failing at miserable is staying true to myself and acting upon my intuitive thoughts and raw desires. Now obviously it wouldn't be practical nor possible to do everything that I wanted, whenever I wanted, but the big things, hopefully, I can at least try to do most times. First thing I need to do when I get back to school is make a point to hang out with all of my friends more often. It seems that a lot of my time last semester was spent with just one set of people and those are the ones I practically live with. No doubt, this was due to a matter of convenience, but fuck convenience...I can't go around doing what is convenient for just me, I'll find myself with no friends if i do that. Friendships require sacrifice and a willingness to give...if I don't try to give my time to all my friends, then surely I will lose them. Alas, it is very tough to balance it all when most of my friends are different and don't know each other. If I held a cocktail suoree(however you spell it...you know the word...it sounds like swa-ray)for all of my friends, I suspect it would seem to an observer to be some sort of polling station where everyone shows up but doesnt really know anyone else and they all seem so different. Sometimes I long for a solid group of friends who all get along great and we are always there for each other...like the Sex and the City girls. Will I ever have that? who knows...it's possible...soon enough I am going to be going to grad school and probably flying at least hundreds of miles away from most of my friends and family. That means that I'm going to have to start from near scratch and form new friendships and bonds and it is with this that the possibility of my lil Sex bunch blooms from. I'll also likely have to cope with either a long distance relationship...that is, if I find the love of my life before I head off to grad school...or being lonely and waiting for the love of my life to come dancing and crooning across my path. One thing is for sure though...whatever I do in life, I must always remember to be fabulous while I'm doing it and to stay true to myself.....no fucking worrying about what other people think. Do what I want, and find the friends who appreciate that. I also have to make sure those friends help me out and make sure I don't get too self-involved...because we all know what a pisces can do when left to their own capacitations for too long. I can't really practically live in a peter pan-esque Neverland so I need to make sure and surround myself with non-piscean friends who will steer me and give my dreams and energy direction.

PS. I'm itching extremely bad for my tattoo right now but I don't think I can spare the money before Prague...[sad face]

write again soon, promise ;)

posted by RPF @ 7:46 PM