I just want to say...
I believe it has been a week or so since I last wrote and I am beginning to suffer from withdraw. In light of this information, I decided it would be a superb utilization of time if I were to write while sitting on the porcelain throne rather than my usual time-passing reading.
In summary of this past week it is important to point out that many of my mental "conditions" flared up. Chronic Neediness aka Whinium bitchium led me to drive out to Gainesville on saturday afternoon while severe thunderstorm warnings had been issued (and proven to be accurate) in order to be satiated by Shrezzie. Next up is my klepto-itis aka my life isn't fascinating enough to keep me from the thrill of walking through wal-mart senso-matics with jacked goods in my manpurse. Items acquired include beard trimmers (not used for my beard of course), ultra-light and super compact backpacker's sleeping mattress, over-priced Nalgenes, and over-priced D&G cologne (which happens to smell really gay, but extraordinarily fabulous). Also, because I still have lingering effects from the moral, catholic upbringing my parents so graciously chose to bestow on me, I feel bad if I acquire objects freely too often and thus I can not always turn to petty theft to entertain myself and keep me from boredom. So open the door because here comes mental "condition" number 3 and I like to call it the Bored Hungry Syndrome. Whenever I sit around my house and have nothing to keep my mind off of food I find myself walking to the kitchen on commercials and grabbing something to eat (not necessarily junk food, nor good food for that matter...just food). I can't stop myself. It's just like having a case of pot-induced munchies...like the pringles ditty, "Once you pop, you can't stop!"
To counter the negative effects of this last "condition," I choose to act like a confused canine and run around in circles for about 30 to 45 minutes every afternoon. I figure that eventually I'll run fast enough to end up behind myself and in a position where I can criticize myself for letting my ass become so soft. And if I run that fast, I figure that soon enough my ass will get tired of the harsh criticism and run faster away from it and thus form itself back into shape.
Enough of the speculative wishing though and recounting of the activities engineered by the devilish side of my brain. Now I must tell you that I got a really strange and new haircut yesterday and I love it. So if any of you see me and think about 'ewwing' at it, you better think twice.
Ahh damn, the throne is starting to leave imprints on my ass and my stomach is calling me to order a delivery of left-over porkchops. I must go for now, but I'll say the rest of what I wanted to say the next time I decide to write about what I want to say.
posted by RPF @ 4:55 PM
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