Consummated Randomness

Pops aint gotta worry bout me moving back in!

So tonight it became explicitly clear, through the animalistic grunts and actions of dominance, that my parents do not approve of my career choice at all. In fact, they see my four years of college as a losing investment that is sucking up their funds with no hope ever for significant ROI (or at least the kind of returns they were hoping for [which I think had something to do with being able to provide for them in their old age]). Aside from all this they keep urging me to keep my sexuality behind closed doors and, in my fathers words, "adhere to a 'don't ask, don't tell' type of policy." In their mind they feel as if I will be discriminated against and experience lots of lost opportunities because society "still hates your kind". I did try, however, to explain to them that the field of research and work I hope to enter into deals explicitly with my sexuality (or my "kind" if you will) and political activism on its behalf. I think this might have been the part that they secretly loathe, which in turn spurs their vitriole at me in the form of money matters. "Oh professors are poor and you'll never make enough to even pay off these loans you say you'll need to go to grad school and you're going to be in school for 6 more years and it just sucks up the money"...yada yada yada.

It would be nice to have some support though, seeing as I myself can be a defeatist. I'm constantly worrying about whether or not I am unique, fresh, and brilliant enough to get into a good grad school and then to get my ph.D and go on to earn tenure at a decent institution where hopefully I will enjoy living in the surrounding community. Shit, was that a run-on? How am I supposed to write a brilliant thesis with bad grammar? Nah, just kidding, I get by well enough with my grammar. Although, grammar did knock me down a few points in one of my B+ classes this semester; if my grammar was better I could have gotten the A that I should have gotten.

Anyways, as my self-concerned thoughts ramble on, I'm engaged in conversation with someone important and I'm getting tired anyways so I'll stop here and write again soon.

posted by RPF @ 6:54 PM