Consummated Randomness

A Beautiful Mind (Not what it seems)

Why is it that some people can sit in their apartment alone and be completely content with it, while others sit there and drive themselves insane over being lonely and bored? Humans need social interaction. Or at least I do--and when I sit here in my apartment alone, the roommates gone home, as well as friends--I get depressed. Perhaps it's part of a larger problem. That problem being the fact that I'm single and can't stand it and I'm afraid that I could end up that way for the rest of my life. So maybe it is the case that my fear of being alone in the long run is just enhanced by too many hours of self-absorbed down time. When I find myself alone for long periods of time, I don't usually run off to watch TV or movies all day long, or play video games like most people do. Instead, I sit and think. I think so much that my head starts to hurt. I out play every possible scenario or past event in my head. I obsess over romantic issues. I berate myself over self-perceived insecurities. I write about those insecurities. Basically I just go insane. The only way I've ever found to keep my head from ganging up on my heart is to just keep my head occupied by other tasks. If I can somehow find a way to keep busy or be around certain people--I never have a problem and I come off as really happy and energetic (someone people enjoy being around.) But when my mind is at rest I become a complete mess and I'm then someone no-one enjoys being around. So during this next week, I'm going to try and keep myself busy between work by cleaning the apartment and finishing decorating, completing my holiday shopping, and hopefully hanging out with that boy I like(the one I keep writing about and thinking about.) ::SIGH:: Here's to a great holiday season and a happy ass New Year with the same ass stupid President. Somebody just kick me now.

posted by RPF @ 8:06 PM