Consummated Randomness

Starry Eyed--with a lack of Surprise

::There's no surprises here--look straight into my eyes and you'll see everything you need to know::

After a long weekend of being trapped at my desk catching up on school work and not being able to really get out and socialize, I find myself with no desire to continue doing my school work. My head is full of thoughts but they move so fast that it's impossible to write about them, or to even understand them. A lot of my being is encompassed by anticipation right now, in fact it's literally pulsing in waves off of my skin. Anticipation of numerous things, such as the end of the semester which I unfortunately already have one confirmed B in and I have three more tests to go and I'm completely unprepared for most of them. Then my final portfolio consisting of 6 hard to come by revisions is due next week as well as a paper I've yet to do the background work for. Top it all off with the idea that I've been hanging out with and talking more frequently with someone whom I can fairly say I want, and want alot with no shame. Eagerness should never be hidden to be more alluring. I want him to know that I like him, that I want to date him, that I want to spend a good bit of my free time with him. I'm sure he is perceptive enough to know this, even if we assume that he can't just look into my eyes with his own piercing ones and see it all written out for him. He's actually the first guy that I've had a crush on since I came out, and by crush I mean in the sense that from watching him at a distance, I could not really bring myself to talk to him and let him know I liked him--nor was he attainable once I finally become brave enough to do so. (I hope he doesn't think I'm a freak if he reads this...lol.) So anyways, this is my current state of mind...lost in my thoughts bouncing between him, my impending doom if I don't find the motivation to watch these lectures, a possible spring break trip to Prague with Nicole to visit my friend Anne (and check out the hot Czech guys of course), a poem I need to write re-telling a bible story, and the thought that I haven't had sex in months (which calculates to the longest spell, aside from when I was in NM for the summer, since I became sexually active all those years ago as a freshmen in high school). So, it should be no wonder that I'm frustrated and I want to punch Dr. Brenner in the face rather than endure 10 more lectures of his bullshit.

Perhaps a little more procrastination will do me some good.

posted by RPF @ 6:29 PM