Consummated Randomness

You're a little late...I'm already Torn

When listening to music, do you really listen? Do you let the words reverberate off of your brainwaves, resound in your chest, course through your veins? Or is it just empty noise, something filling the background, something you may or may not be screaming aloud to while driving your coupe down the avenues--absentmindedly not understanding what the artist has to say? Of course, if you're listening to certain pop artists it may not matter which way you listen to your music, and again, depending upon your personality it may not matter. Why am I rambling on about listening to music? Well, every once in a while I find myself in these moods, mostly introspective moods that are sometimes somber but not necessarily having to be, and I take the time to actually listen to the lyrics of a song. And every once in a while of those times I find a song that floors me and that I can relate to perfectly at that moment. It feels great to have a song, a beautiful song(hopefully), that you can listen to while expressing your moods. If you're depressed, it will resonate in you and hopefully not make you more depressed, but instead just give you something to take your mind off of everything...and if you're more cheery, a good song with great lyrics will hopefully give you something to scream wildly about and commit to memory a great experience. And sometimes, that voice blaring through your speakers has an ability to put into words how you feel and may even be used by you to tell someone something you can't find the right words for.

So back to my post title...for those of you non-listeners out there it is quoted from a late 90's song by Natalie Imbruglia titled Torn. Right now, that is exactly how I feel. I'm torn against myself, torn against my school work and wage work, torn against my social life, torn against my (non-existent) love life, torn against my future goals. I'm just torn...already torn. Situations occur which try and knock me off my feet. Trying to impede my stride, or to stress me out even more and every once in awhile succeeding. Well, recently I realized that a wish of mine of late now has the chance of being granted, but there was a counter-wish already in motion and now, depending on external circumstances, I will probably pull the feet out from under the counter-wish and go back to my original wish. Sometimes I feel I'm not selfish enough and too caring for other's that my own well-being gets put on the back burner, making certain decisions extremely hard to make. But this time I had to exercise a little self-gratification and my decision has been made. I just hope I don't get burned.

Regardless, I'm getting burned anyways because I have sooo much school work to do in the next week or two that I really don't even have the spare time to be writing this. End of semester crunches really suck...but they are so fulfilling afterwards because I feel like I achieved so much while cramming to get it all done.

Well anyways, enough introspection and puzzled writing and random correlations...actually, that's exactly what I'm going to do: More of my 20 or so Stat lectures that are bearing down on me.

posted by RPF @ 11:15 PM