Consummated Randomness

Just a quick update

So upon waking up today, the hurt kicked in...as I knew it would. It really makes me question whether or not we feel these things over infidelity because of socialization or if it instinctively hurts, through the heart. No doubt the socialization of monogamy is real, but was it created out of thin air? or was it based on some parts of reality? It doesn't hurt so much to think about what he did...what hurts is that I'm questioning everything again. And I had gotten past all the questioning. Like for instance...last night we pretty much talked about everything...but I'm not sure if Gary actually explicitly said to me that that instance was the only one while I've been away...and this morning I was racked with doubts and questions of whether or not it happened more than once and whether or not he just decided to tell me about one of them. I've had to ask him specifically now because I know my head will cheat me and I won't be able to stop until he tells me. It also makes me question his feelings for me...but this is only slightly disturbing to me because like I've said before...I've been really close to a one-night stand and I have no doubt in my mind that I love Gary to death...so I'm trying not to burden myself with questioning his feelings just because he had a one-night stand a month ago. If one has happened since we've been talking more seriously about our relationship and future, I'm not sure that I can overcome it and our relationship will probably quickly falter. But I hope, and I feel sure that one hasn't happened since then and that the one he told me about is the only one.

posted by RPF @ 5:16 AM