Delayed Truths
As I sit here and listen to Ani and Frou Frou I reflect back on my life over the past week and a wash of numbness passes over me. I'm currently sitting in a daze, recovering from a brain cell killing extravaganza last night. Last night was nice though--carefree, stressfree, unfortunately not fat free due to the Steak n' Shake trip we made. The night before, however, was one of those nights you just wish would dissappear and people would act like it never happened. My roommates and I started drinking margaritas early while we were preparing dinner---by the time dinner was over, two of us were already pretty drunk and we were headed for more. Then a friend came over and we binged on the bubbler for a while before it was time to head over to the party, where I had even more to drink. All of this happened before 11:30pm. Needless to say, I was horribly smashed and out of my mind before midnight. And sometime shortly after midnight I was on my knees outside throwing up into the bushes. Fun? well it was at the time. After I threw up I made my rounds of goodbyes and came home to watch a movie peacefully in my drunkeness. Unfortunately I ended up getting on the computer first and I wrote a few well-intentioned albeit drunk emails that I don't even remember the content of. All of them backlashed, I think,...one was to the boy in London who then got online shortly after and I found out he is dating someone over there...okay...and the other was to my Ex...he still doesn't want to talk to me. To tell you the truth, finding out about London's boyfriend didn't affect me that much...I sort of expected it...but I'm afraid it's going to put us in a position where we don't know what to say to each other when we talk. Then there's the deal about telling my close friends, who then proceed to give me this 'told you so' look and ask me why I do this to myself...what I've done, I don't even know...but their advice is, fuck it, forget it, he's giving you the runaround, spring break is out of the question even if he wants you to come visit, there's always someone else out there...mmhmm, Gainesville doesn't hold much hope for me. Anyways I'm rambling. Point is, I haven't really had much time to stop and think about anything lately, let alone the discoveries of my drunken night. Right now I'm just trying to wake up before heading off to work for nine hours, then I will come home and watch some tv for about an hour, go back to bed, wake up early enough to then go back to work and open the store. And after all the working, I will have to sit myself down and absorb pages upon pages of dry, overly wordy rubbish and proceed to write a paper on part of it. Yuck. But such is my life right now. For now, there is nothing to look forward to anytime soon. Just routine retail work, intellectual schoolwork, and mindless exterminating of brain cells. Ciao.
Self-mockery or Fluent Sarc 3???
For shits and giggles I am going to convince myself that people actually enjoy reading my blog and that my current week-long hiatuses are a detriment to their entertainment joy. So, amid this stack of books that are not being read, with cold-feet(it's freezing in my room), I will write a bit of an update on my very, very, extremely, outrageously so, interesting and entertaining life. Being the grand-procrastinator that I am, with regards to just about everything in my life, I have allowed a good two weeks or so worth of reading to build up on me. I'm not even going to begin thinking about the paper I have due on Thursday, or the poem (been completely uninspired lately) that is due on Tuesday. Okay, enough said about school. Onto the extracurricular activities of grandiose belligerence by way of alcohol hydration and sweet smelling smoke inhalation. The latter is a much more cost-productive way of escaping your mind(just in case you were wondering). So Friday night was a drinking night for me...drinking=drama=dancing=drunk-mailing endearing hotties who temporarily(hope) live 5 time zones away. The night started off innocently, with plans to congregate at a friends for margaritas and discourse until the appropriately cool time to arrive at a club came around. The club in question was a straight club (which frankly doesn't matter to me as long as they don't insist on playing pure hip-hop all night long) titled XS---it was 80's night and I decided to get in the spirit. Cuffed jeans, purple shirt, faux-hawk, eye-liner, and mascara completed my look. As it turns out my labor was fruitless because after a long night of rearranging plans, we arrived TOO late to the club and they wouldn't permit guys under 21 in after midnight (guys only...how fucked up is that---girls under 21 that drink alcohol in your facility will get you just as screwed dipshits). So...much drama later we arrived at some party with lots of drunkenly perceived hot straight guys and it was all I could do to keep from hitting on one. Then I learn that the name Steven Flood is much more common than I thought (but that is another story-for another time...let's just say my reputation precedes me). Anyways to wrap this boring story up, the night closes with me and my roommate and this guy who wants her bad walking up 13th street to catch a ride back to my car so that we could go to Steak-n-Shake and fatten our alcohol engorged stomachs.
Damn, I got long winded there--reveling in party stories can be addictive--so to move along here, let's note that my parents came to visit me and see my apartment for the first time ever, EVER. And, of course, nothing has changed...we still manage to fight about my apparent liberalism and their conservatism which moves closer to W's standards everyday (how they consider themselves Democrats and still vote Democrat beats the shit out of my rational thinking mine). It was nice to see them though, happily retired now.
Finally, to close on a more uplifting note...my beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, I-can't-live-without, 20 gig mp3 player is fucking broke. Broke as anything...and Dell actually had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to replace it (buy a new one) seeing as they can't do it for free because I'm one month past warranty. The uplifting part about this is the fact that people no longer have to worry about me busting out in chorus to my favorite songs while on the bus or walking on campus.
Oh...and did I mention that tomorrow I am rejecting my social deviance and becoming a born-again heterosexual Evangelical Republican and I will accept George W Bush into my heart as my personal lord and savior? gAyMEN!!!
Just another manic...um...Friday? Week?
Wow, it's been like ten days since I've had time to even think about blogging. Alas, here I am.
In a nutshell: school is relatively strenuous this semester (as being compared to my earlier semesters) and I am already behind on reading. I'm already at a point where I can't even alot time to thinking about writing a poem because my mind needs to be focused on my reading at every possible free moment. Basically I spend my entire tuesdays and thursdays on campus...about 8 to 6...for class, and once I get home I try to go to the gym but it has now been a week since that has occured. Then on wednesdays, I devote all of my time to my poetry class which starts at 7pm and on the other reading I have for other courses. And of course, I pretty much work friday through monday. So like I said...mucho busy lately.
As far as other things that are going on: I got a new cell phone yesterday (yay!) and I'm still learning how to use everything it offers (cell phones are so advanced and complex nowadays.) Also, for the first time in my life I had a strong desire to get a tattoo. I can envision it on my back; but I can't seem to be able to draw it on paper correctly (or to the standards of my vision at least.) I have vowed not to rush into it though (those of you who know me really well would understand this fully) but instead, I'm going to wait 6 months and if at the end of those 6 months I still want it...then so be it, I'll be on my way to the parlor to get it. For those of you curious about what would resonate so firmly with me that I'd be willing to permanently ink my body with it: the obscure and basic symbols for masculinity and femininity...representing my own harmony between my masculinity and femininity (and the importance that I place on this balance...that I believe everyone should be attuned to.) Now most people reading this are probaby scratching their heads and thinking to themselves, "what the fuck is this guy talking about?" The tattoo will basically look like a wide v (the chalice = femininity) with an equally wide, upside-down v (the [phallic] blade = masculinity) atop it. Now for the feminists out there (I'm one too), please do not jump down my throat...the reason the blade tops the chalice is because it looks best that way, and afterall I really am a guy. I have considered getting them side by side, though I'm fairly convinced that will look stupid and somehow just not right.
Anyways, enough rambling and rambling on about my prospective tattoo. Also noteworthy is the little bit of news that I can now wear jeans to work, albeit they do have to be Express jeans. Unfortunately I felt I didn't have enough (any?) decent Express jeans that were appropriate for work...so I had to go and spend 70 bucks (after discount!) which I don't really have the money to be doing, on a pair of new dressy Express jeans. I'm wearing them right now and they are comfortable enough...not nearly as comfortable as my Joie pair...but then again...what do you expect, afterall, it's still Express.
That should about cover what's going on right now...hopefully next time won't be too far off.
A New Year...hopefully life gets a face lift
Much of the past week and a half or so has been a blur, for many reasons. One being that I wasn't in the best of moods (when I was sober, I walked around aimlessly, not really paying attention to my surroundings which is completely unlike me,) and other reasons would include the likes of mind-altering substances known to many as alcohol and marijuana. READ: I did not use these substances as painkillers. All in all though, the time was relaxing and I had the time to enjoy some personal reading (hard to do while keeping up with schoolwork and wage-slave work.) For those few of you who have yet to read The Da Vinci Code I highly recommend doing so, and doing so soon.
Anyways...the beginning of this week hurled reality right through my front door in the form of a credit card bill. I apparently spent too much money in December because I'm now officially broke. At least, that is, until the 'rents bestow upon me the Spring semester money. Alas, reality is a shape shifter because right after it struck me in that form, it morhped and struck me with a 7am alarm clock beep reminding me that today is the first day of classes and I foolishly signed up for an 830 class (which I then decided would be a waste of time to attend today because teachers for intro courses hardly cover anything important on the first day of class, and I can always claim that I just added it before the thursday meet.) But after sleeping through the first class, I thought it would be wise to rise and attend my remaining three classes for the day. So I did, and the first one was boring as hell and got out early which left me with practically three hours before my next class and no book to read because I forgot it at home. However, clever as I am, I picked up the daily Alligator (local college newspaper) and a copy of USAToday and read them both beginning to end. After that enlighteningly fun trip into the 'Real World,' I crash landed right back in ideological funland of few responsibilities known to many of us as college and found myself burning up. (I mean come on...75 fucking degrees on January 4th? who'da thunk that?) Since the shade I had meticulously picked out decided to abandon me, I felt it would be a good time to go add to horrible holiday eating reminder of a gut and grab some Chipotle. Then I wandered on over to the bookstores along University and was stricken with a sudden horror that this was not going to be a cheap book semester for me (two texts are brand new 1st editions...no cheap prior editions available, yuck.) I've already spent 66.7% of my scholarship money on books for three classes and the last two are not going to be any cheaper. Looks like I'll be coughing up some wage-slave earned cash for some of my books. Sad, sad. Good news is: I think this semester is beating out last semester as far as classes that I enjoy go. Last semester had all of two appealing courses; this semester is setting itself up for at least three, maybe four...definitely not five though because my International Relations teacher is borrrrrrring and foreign (again...who'da thunk? lol.) But the women's studies course (Masculinity in Suburbia) although it will be a lot of reading and writing, should be extremely engaging and informative. As should Political Ideologies (presided over by the Devil's Advocate himself) which will also be lots of challenging work and a ton of reading, but hey...we get to argue and discuss everything in class and already there are some belligerent right-wingers showing their ugly heads...(j/k...I enjoy a good conversation with people of different ideas and beliefs than myself.)
So raise your glasses (reading and drinking) because here's a toast...
You ready? Okay here goes....
To a great semester of self-indulgence and self-righteousness and self-discovery and self-introspection...may the schoolwork be time consuming and interesting while the wage-slave work flows by without many memories (just keep sending the paychecks). In those lonely times, may we remember that happiness comes first with the self and that six months is a long time but if things are meant to be, they will (?...cliche for sure). Just remember to follow your heart and intuitions...and may we remember also that it is healthy to pamper ourselves every once in a while. To a fabulous semester....Let's get straight A's. Cheers.
